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brokensilence410
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Name: dave
Birthday: 1/21/1987
Gender: Male
Interests: King Jesus..sports..all of them..music..(project 86, jeremy camp, dead poetic, underoath, emery, as i lay dying, thrice, chasing victory, from first to last, anberlin, chevelle..etc. etc.) mountain dew..mmm..mountain dew..cartoons..pina coladas and gettin caught in the rain..putting little dot things after everything i say..Poetry..The Bible..gummy bears..faith..love..hope..
Expertise: Pshhh, you know how we roll...
Message: message meEmail: email me
Website: visit my website
AIM:  InHisGrip410
Member Since:
7/25/2004
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| I've been thinking lately the true meaning of being a Christ follower. There are certain things that really bug me about many mainstream forms of Christianity. Mainly the idea that once you "accept Christ in your heart" life will be filled with everlasting joy...though this world is crashing down around us, we can have the joy of Christ in our hearts to ignore these things and look forward to heaven our true home... Wow.
My first mistake was believing the lie that life would be full of happiness and the idea of never suffering. You would literally have to ignore over 90 percent of the history of those who are called Christians to say that their lives were peaceful and full of bliss. So often it would be so easy to say "screw it...if God wants me to suffer I'll do it apart from him" or "what kind of God would bring evil to the people who actually follow him...isn't that for those who disobey him?" I think of the term "election" and when I hear this word, there is of course thousands of theological controversies that swirl through my mind but the main adjectives that keep creeping into my mind lately are things like...suffering, embarrassment, harassment, shame. Where in the hell did all the joy go?
Of course my first reaction is that we should not seek the fulfillment of these trivial pursuits such as money or popularity or power as even those who hold these things realize they are temporal. We instead (somehow) are to find joy in our sufferings as we realize that they too are for the furthering of the kingdom of God and NOT our own benefit. I find it of no coincidence that heaven is scarcely mentioned in the Bible...perhaps we're to live for the kingdom here and now? I find no joy in seeing the misfortunes of those in this world...those dying of hunger, those being slaughtered in front of their own families...and I swear if I hear one more person bitch about gas prices I may cut them.
One reading this may ask the all to realistic question of..."Dave, if Christianity sucks so bad, then why not walk away?" The honest to God truth is that it hasn't been easy calling myself a Christian, it certainly is not my pain complex that draws me back. I don't enjoy the humiliation that follows from those who have laid a terrible foundation before me...I can only hope to build over that with kind words. I'd have to say that through the heartache and misery that I've experienced, the one thing that has never shown itself as a vanity is the work of God. And that my friends, cannot be ignored.
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| Its hard better yet impossible not to feel helpless sometimes in life. There is this seeming dichotomy between my mind and my heart as to know that there is nothing that a single man can do to help in this world but yet God has called us (helpless, incapable people) to do impossible things.
Since when did we stop caring about one another? This isn't another "we are the body" thought, it is the basic instinct of the preservation of man that we blatantly ignore on a day to day basis. It is my greed for money and constant worry of debt that disallows me to be effective in becoming active in eliminating famine and disease. Regardless of your political views, eschatological views or even humanistic views, Christ demanded that we care for and love one another. I don't think he was referring to a promise of prayer but a steady, active approach to kindling hatred in this world.
I'm constantly amazed at the ignorant statements made by our elite "preachers" in todays world. They have nothing better to do with their time than to accuse the gays and sexually immoral of being responsible for things such as AIDS (which by the way according to most religious gurus will never be treated because it is God's punishment on the world) which is most common in females within the bond of marriage. Where oh where has grace hidden itself? These very same born again sinners have followed in their fathers and grandfathers footsteps at judging those who have performed good deeds on the sabbath.
Constantly stunned and amazed. God help our blinded brothers to see again, I would rather live in sin than deal with their guilt trips.
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| I sit here 2 a.m. staring at my computer like an insomniac with a writers block looking for inspiration, innovation, thirst, some sort of compassion. A little selflessness always seems to flee me at times when I WANT to cry. When I want to look at the wildfires and California and weep. When I think of Sudan, when I think of Darfur, I know God is in control but is that any reason for me not give a flying rip about any of it? I'm beginning to learn more and more that the gospel is not just about me, but I still have my role to fulfill in the community.
What is it about these little spurts of Christianity where one day you want to live for God and the next day you can simply say "to hell with it, life is more simple by myself". I can't tell you how many times lately I've asked God for grace, for some sort of emotion to fill me to know he's still there. Its selfish and faithless of me to ask, but when I look around at the world he created and watch it fall into oblivion, its hard to imagine what God has in store for this God-forsaken place.
I guess the theme of this segment of my life is finding trust, grace, faith, love and hope, but never actually finding it in Christ. I trust my girlfriend, I find grace in my professors and friends, I find love in my church and elders, and Lord knows I get my hopes up over any and everything. Satisfaction? It manages to escape me time after time. So I've tried to adapt. I've altered my prayer life. (what little my prideful soul can muster) Now I pray for disturbance, hatred, wrath, judgment. I pray for these things so that I will find the grace, love, trust, hope in Christ and Christ alone.
...May my heart be restless until it trusts in Thee.
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| Its been 1111 days since I've joined xanga.
Its nuts when I look back at the thought mentality that I possessed when I was in my "xanga prime" so to speak. While holding my xanga I've taken a lot of steps that I did not forsee happening for a very long time. However, above all of the accomplishments that my God grants me, there is one common denominator that links me to a day to day basis. Failure. Each and every day I think a thought I know I shouldn't and I carry out actions that haunt me to no end.
The truth is, things fall through. The church that I loved split, I'm still trying to figure out how to pay for school, my family is well...my family. But somehow, through all of this and with the knowledge of knowing that I'm stuck in a circular vacuum of screwing up theres only one thing that makes this bearable.
Grace. At the very mention of this, the little hairs on the back of my next salute and I get short of breath. This grace has been so sufficient and evident that I'm more convinced of its existence than that of my own. Though pride has led me to abuse grace, it would seem that no abuse is beyond its reaches.
The truth is, it took the realization that God doesn't need what I have to offer to accept grace. Period. Though this truth shattered my prideful assumptions that I was doing all this to "bless" God. God told me he would use my worthless life for his glory.
I'm not capable of living this life on my own. Teach me your ways.
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| What is it about life that makes me want to hold on and never let go? Is there some morsel of vitality in me that honestly believes that God envies me? True each breath we take is sweeter than the last because we know one day we will cease to breathe at all, but I'm so very intrigued by Gods choice to completely blind us to the light of eternity and make us completely lean on him for day to day answers and options.
I spent this past week waiting for the sweet relief and comfort for the heartache that God has placed in my life. I spent the week disgusted that God has made me so passionate about my family...the one thing in my life that is so inconsistent and screwed up that I find myself hating them. In light of others given circumstances and situations, I dare not complain that God is ungracious to me blahblahblah, but I think I can speak for others when I say I'm confused at the passion he has called me to.
I sat my family down this past week to discuss issues with the advice and concern of my lady friend, we decided to get to the bottom of many issues that have yet to have been discussed in my family. To be completely honest I was ready to wash my hands, prepared to go out guns blazing and promises mixed with swears tossed about. Amazingly enough however, I was shocked, embarrassed, relieved and overjoyed to see the progress that was made towards the passion that God has burdened me with concerning my family, seeing my Dad cry, as shallow as this is, was an image of the grace and mercy of our Lord. God has not forsaken us. His Love endures forever.
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